not afraid to sound like a kid, not afraid to grow either

I've felt like shit and have been in the weirdest mindset. I've been taking shit from my roommate, and other people that i get subtly abused by. I'm ready to leave and get on with my life. Leave everything and everyone behind me except I would miss a special few. I do believe we have soul mates. I believe nothing has changed except recognizing my need for peace. I took a vitamin today and I think that really helped, I'm going to continue daily. I don't need to write entries for other people, they are for myself. I've got precious cargo that needs to be protected, I'm proud that I see it that way, and I don't believe the oodles of individuals that think that is selfish. Ultimately I am a warrior and i'll cut through all of that shit you want to place on me. I am justified in what I'm saying, and if you can't see that... i'll let someone else help you. I don't want to be here working because I'm in debt. I want to support a lifestyle of creating, learning, and teaching. It's so dissapointing when your brain and memories are so fogged you can't get anything done and you become doubtful and pessimistic. I want life to reflect the luminescence that it has. I want to move forward past this pain and see life for what it really is. I want to become a happy person, none of this crap that is not helpful to anyone. one wtf and i'm done. I feel so relaxed now, this was just looking back at the last few days, growing up. I'm tired of blowing with the wind.

I just smoked and I'm high, It's raining outside. Water is abundant. These white walls kill.

for those interested, i have another journal now. it was created for people i've never met in real life. It's too hard to collaborate with the few people that are never online, when I'm creating 20 posts a day or whatever.

having two journals.
It's really good for you; you learn how to critique your shit "like having little artshows," which is the pinnacle of any artistic movement.

the name before last in my livejournal having to do with bohemians and compassionate beings who delay final resolve to help others.

(no subject)

"Words are flowing out
like endless rain into a paper cup
they slither while they pass
they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow
waves of joy are
drifting through my open mind
possessing and caressing me..."

(no subject)

such a gesture of infinite respect
her mudra extended and connected
the worlds between the buddhas
and i am once again shown how rain cleanses all
and cats cause sneezes to heal up your insides
what a beautiful child.
a reflection of a reflection.
"i'll see you soon"
"till the next time"
not in love
just in one.

Changing lj accounts.

"The answer is never the answer. Whats really interesting is the mystery. If you seek the mystery instead of the answer, you'll always be seeking. I've never seen anybody really find the answer - they think that they have, so they stop thinking. But the job is to seek mystery, evoke mystery, plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries bloom. The need for mystery is greater than the need for an answer."
--Ken Kesey

Love is the way out, not Narcissistic self-sacrifice.

i no longer need words to express anything
they end up being daunting
and imperfect
and feel shallow and helpless
just waiting to be misunderstood by ALL that read them
reinterpreted to mean i want to relax
i want to relax today,
but relaxing is the only reason i can't relax
so you feel trapped
in this case i need to let my thoughts collide
and fall in love again
have i mentioned that i love you tory