bless me for i have seen the light these past days and i am walking towards it
not any messiah or near death experience
but a great deep sleep that i could only get in one corner of this house (i child you not)
so what do we have at our core?
somenothing that is not subject to the relative laws of the current point in motion (aka time)
an infinite manifestation dimension of potentiality
what is my role on the planet?
am i the messiah? or am i the vagabond?
nothing but questions have held close to me all through out life
questions that i haven't been able to put down, until i put them down.
i put them down in zazen because in zazen there is no trial or judgement
there is no grading process or gradiate incline
there is no self reflection or self inflection
there just is sitting, and you can get better at sitting
but by sitting you don't really get better at anything
you just tend to lose your attachment to success
proportional to your loss of attachment you gain insight to what you need to survive
and that is not much, breathing, food, love, heat.
that is to say you create none of these things.
you can reside in a breath
you can receive food and love and heat
you can be all of these things if you do nothing special.
but constantly you are trying to do something special creating a need for the world to be different than it is.
but this too is perfect, for idealizing the world is to strive for change, which is to acknowledge your fundamental nature which is insolid and penetrable.
so all you can do is not add much, and you will add just enough to see past your effort into the heap of karma that you wear.
once you look back at your luggage then it will fall away if you keep looking, because it is always falling away unless you hold onto it like a possesion.
i was once told something like "i don't know about buddhism. look all around you, even a flowers basic nature is to hold on to life." That made me think. Whether you choose to hold on to life or not is irrellevant, because still you wake up and you are alive. i see plants in bondage stepping up to the sun saying take me to infinity. because creation is infinite. ok so i don't know yet.
i think of humans being selves or cells on a world in a universe. ok isn't it beautiful that the cells could be conciously taken care of and we are mandalas of a universe that modulates from dense to sparse. The more we spread out the more physical form loses its solidity. when it compacts we become solids again. but when it makes the jump to infinite oneness (conciousness or disattachment from form) anything is open for creation at that point. so the universe might be this pendulum. Every pendulum has a reason for swinging. So the universe is swinging from something beyond the universe. one moment of action that resulted in the motion of the universe. or maybe its all macro micro of the same fundamental property. everything is subject to change. no matter what direction you look, history or future, all things relative to this point are part of a dynamic flow (will it continue to flow? i don't know.)
What you consider as you, is the only thing that doesn't have to flow. it can choose to sit still and watch everything flow around it. like a rock in a stream.
so maybe the tibetans are right, that this luminous nature is somehow bound to a form through knots. where it stays still relative to the rest of expanses. Wouldn't it make sense that we must stand still to watch in a meaningful way. otherwise we just flow with the current and can't step back out of it. So it's like we tie ourselves down to gain some insight.
they say a human is the best spot to be in. humans seem to have a tame balance of lethargy and motivation. like all things in this yin yang universe we straddle the line and therefore we are in a good spot to realize or reconnect with the nervous system of all things. the underlying heartbeat of change. but why should we want to do that?
it seems to be encoded in every cell of the universe.
the words life, growth, sex, love, god, peace, enlightenment come to mind.
in other words you perhaps are not the body you live in, but you are the supreme light(and dark) which cannot be cased in.
you can be temporarily incarcerated, lost in your own translation (yes)
but even then you are in no way disconnected from the limitlessness
for time i know is non existent. its just a size of change.
its a tool we use to place causes and effects and seperate them.
at any moment you can become the whole by ceasing to manipulate your surroundings.
but alas you are constantly creating during your waking life so you forget your non creation. your potential. your expanse of mind that is quite infinite.
i think the point is that we can rejoice in being limitless beings that have the benefits of limits to see the results of their limitlessness.
so when you create something naturally individual cells are created to carry out the work load of creation. if all is consciousness then some of conciousness is temporarilly trapped in the work. it seemed like you couldn't stop all this once it happened, that the workers would develop separatist ties and get lost in a sea of creation (if i can create bread i can create anything.) well you have to come home to your potential before you break your limits because you are in the realm of that cause that endowed you with a body. that's where bodhisattvas or buddhas come in. to link you back to your original expansive pureness, which you are not necessarily fighting you are just continuing to limit your actions by your self programming. so question your self programming, question yourself and you will only grow into formless clarity, in which all is impossible(because "you" don't do anything) but all is already happening because cause and effect is simulataneous, karma is instantaneous, and you are in the everflow of nonbecoming.